


I Just Want (to be where you are)

by Miss_Princess_Blake



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Best Friends, F/M, Kid Fic, Oblivious Bellamy Blake, Oblivious Clarke Griffin, Pining, everyone knows but them, one sided pining, platonic co-parenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:01:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29035875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Princess_Blake/pseuds/Miss_Princess_Blake
Summary: Bellamy and Clarke have been best friends since their freshman year of college. Which is also, consequently, about how long he has been in love with her. But the timing is never right, or so he tells himself, and so they stay as just friends. It’s enough for him. It has to be.And because they are best friends, when she shows up at his door with a bit of a problem of course he offers to help. That’s just who he is. This obviously won’t make things even more complicated. Right?
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 9
Kudos: 82
Collections: Bellarke January Joy 2021





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for Bellarke January Joy 2021. It also checks off four squares on my Bellarke Bingo card!
> 
> This was too much fun to write. I had hoped to have the whole thing done before I started posting but, unsurprisingly, the fic length got away from me. I expect there to be three parts but it could become four. I plan to post once a month (although I can't guarantee what date lol).
> 
> I hope you enjoy it! And don't forget, if you want it written sooner you can always prompt me through t100ficsforblm. Find us on tumblr, twitter, or Instagram for more info!
> 
> As always, thanks so much to my amazing beta without whom this story would be much worse for wear.

Bellamy and Clarke had been best friends since his freshman year of college. Which, consequently, was also about how long Bellamy had been secretly in love with her.

It was already January when Bellamy started at Ark U as he had only qualified for a late start based on when he submitted his application. Between that and being a few years older than the rest of his classmates, he couldn’t help feeling a bit out of place. He would have started earlier, but when his mom died just a few months after he turned eighteen he ended up with custody of his thirteen-year-old sister, Octavia. Suddenly all of his dreams got placed on the back burner replaced with making sure his sister had some chance at a normal life.

He didn’t mind, really. At least this way she wasn’t passed around through the system. He may not have been her parent but at least he could give her a roof over her head, food on the table, and someone who cared about her.

But now Octavia was older, already seventeen herself. He didn’t need to be home when she got back from school and she didn’t need a babysitter, as she constantly reminded him. In the end, it was her that convinced him to apply for college and the day he got his late acceptance letter to Ark U just a town over he was overjoyed. Octavia told him she was proud of him and just like that, Bellamy was a college student.

But his imposter syndrome got the best of him on his first day, making him believe he had no business going to college. Instinctively he knew that wasn’t true but his nerves were rattled and his bus had been running late so when he made it into his first class, an art history course, he was already one of the last people to arrive leaving very few available seats.

That was the first time he saw her.

Bellamy’s eyes locked on an empty seat next to a girl with her blonde hair held up by paintbrushes and paint stains on her jean cutoffs to match. Her nose was buried in a book and the sunglasses perched on her head kept slipping down making her distractedly push at them with an annoyed scrunch of her nose.

If you asked him years later, he would admit that he had probably already begun to fall in love with her even then.

But in that moment, all he knew was that his feet were moving toward her before his brain could make the decision one way or the other. He was in front of her before he could talk himself out of it. She looked up as he approached and he did his best to smile in a way that was more friendly than creepy and hopefully not as desperate as he felt — desperate for a seat, desperate to know her, desperate to be sitting before the professor walked in.

Her returning smile was dazzling and he felt his nerves ebbing away like the tide. “Hi,” she told him with a small laugh.

He realized he had probably been standing there, just staring, for at least a moment too long but she didn’t seem to mind. “Hi,” he answered finally, sheepishly scrubbing a hand through his hair. “Do you mind if I sit here? Most of the other seats are taken and I usually try to stay near the back.”

“Hmm,” she tapped her chin before shrugging. “Why not?”

“Thanks,” he said, collapsing into the seat beside her in relief. “I’m Bellamy by the way.”

He held his hand out to her as he disentangled himself from his messenger bag. The moment her skin met his it set off a kaleidoscope of butterflies in his stomach that made his heart skip a beat.

“I’m Clarke,” she replied with a slight blush tinting her cheeks.

He got himself settled with his notebook out and pen in hand, already hastily jotting down the information on the board about Professor Kane’s office hours and contact information. It was less than a minute later when she spoke again.

“Don’t worry about rushing by the way,” she said quietly, humor lacing her voice. “Kane is always late, and it’s even worse at the beginning of the semester. You would think the man was a first-year professor here and not the damn head of the History Department who’s been in the same classroom for a decade.”

Bellamy smiled at her and leaned back in his seat. “And how do you know so much about this professor considering you are a freshman yourself?”

Clarke blushed again and shrugged. “Oh, he’s my stepfather.”

Bellamy’s eyebrows shot up into his forehead. Marcus Kane was a legend. He had been published before he was twenty-one, became the youngest professor at Princeton at twenty-five, before taking a ten year trip around the world studying ancient civilizations and working with archeologists around the world. How Ark U managed to snag him for their tenured position was beyond him. And of all people he could have sat by on his first day of college, he managed to sit by his step-daughter.

Clarke rolled her eyes but smiled. “You can close your mouth now. Wouldn’t want you to fanboy so hard you choke on a fly or something.”

“Sorry,” he said, trying to regain some composure. “It’s just that Kane’s book on the Neolithic origins of the spice trade in ancient Egypt was one of the first books that made me want to study history. Which I recognize easily makes me the least cool person in this room but it’s what my sister used to convince me to go to college.”

Clarke studied him a moment and shook her head. “Well it’s certainly nerdy,” she teased. “But maybe if you play your cards right I’ll introduce you.”

“I would love that,” he admitted.

She bumped his shoulder lightly. “Well, Bellamy, I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship.”

And it turned out she was right. They became fast friends after that. He found out she was an art major with a focus on art history and she wanted to be a museum curator one day. He told her about his love of classical mythology and that he dreamed of being a teacher. They would grab coffee or lunch most days and his sister had even started taken to teasing him about his girlfriend.

Only that wasn’t the case. That wasn’t what they were to each other. In fact, at one of the parties she dragged him to he got the displeasure of meeting her new girlfriend, Lexa. She was cold and arrogant with a perpetual frown etched into her features and a holier than thou attitude that he couldn’t get past.

His friend Murphy told him it was just because he was jealous. Bellamy punched him in the arm hard enough to leave a bruise which just made Murphy laugh that much harder.

As they rolled into sophomore year, Bellamy met Gina. Though his feelings for Clarke had mostly faded to a dull ache that he just accepted as a part of him, Gina helped make him smile and laugh and get through the hard days. Falling in love with her was easy and he was happy.

And so on college went. Bellamy and Clarke were still best friends and still managed to have a couple classes together each semester. They maintained their late-night study sessions over too much frozen yogurt and pizza, Bellamy hosted biweekly game nights at his house because he was the only one of their friend group with a place large enough for everyone, and both their relationships continued on.

When junior year began, Clarke moved in with Lexa and Octavia left for her own college experience. Having been admitted to a school three hours away, Bellamy was left alone.

When he looked back later, he understood why Gina left him then. He was never as serious about her as he should have been. He could have asked her to live with him or even had her over more. But it was clear that wasn’t what they were and never would be. She was kind about it too. Still, what she said when she left would stay with him forever.

“Just do me a favor,” she said, with a box of the few things of her she had left at his place balanced on her hip. “Don’t wait too long to tell her how you feel.”

Bellamy swallowed hard. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Gina leveled him with an unimpressed look. She ignored his words that they both knew were a lie. “The point is, we both know they aren’t going to last forever. But if you don’t tell her the truth when you can then someone else will come around that will. The longer that goes the less likely you ever will. And I’m not sure you will ever get to be truly happy if you don’t.”

Bellamy nodded and kissed her forehead one last time before the girl he couldn’t love as much as she deserved walked out of his life for the last time.

She was right, of course. Lexa left Clarke quickly and without warning barely a month later. Bellamy should have told Clarke then but he didn't. He simply held her while she cried and put her to sleep in the guest room after she had too much wine.

He argued that she needed time to heal and get over Lexa. She was her first love, afterall, and the breakup had been so sudden. It wasn’t the right time. So he waited.

It was a month later that she met Finn.

They had been at a bar celebrating Clarke’s twenty-first birthday when he approached her and asked her to dance. When she left with him that night Bellamy assumed it would be a one-night stand. A way to shake off the melancholy of her breakup with Lexa and loosen up. But one night turned into a week turned into a month. And before he knew it, Clarke had slipped away again.

Bellamy never expected he would meet someone who made him long for the days of Lexa but he was rapidly proved wrong. Finn was so full of himself and his entire personality dripped with sickly sweet charm he laid on so thick it was cavity inducing. The worst part, though, was absolutely everyone lapped it up.

Jasper and Monty hung on his every word with eyes wide as he told stories of his many travels around the world as an archeologist. He and Miller started going to a climbing gym together. Even Murphy, who hated basically everyone on principal, would laugh at Finn’s jokes like the dude was a damn comedian.

He brought it up one day when he went for some beers with Miller and Murphy.

“I just don’t get the appeal,” Bellamy said, leaning on his pool cue after blowing his last turn.

“That’s because you’re too busy being in love with his girlfriend,” Miller quipped as he sunk another ball.

Bellamy groaned. He didn’t know why he still played Miller considering the man creamed him every single time.

“First of all,” Bellamy griped, “I am not in love with Clarke. I know everyone is convinced I am but it’s just that I care about her. Second, I don’t like Finn because he’s a smarmy douche.”

“Did you get that from your word of the day calendar, Blake?” Murphy teased from his perch on a stool nearby. Bellamy flipped him off.

They came to this pool hall whenever they had a guys night but Murphy never played. Bellamy was beginning to remember why as Miller sunk his last ball and ended the game. “That’s shots on you, Bellamy.”

Murphy cackled and Bellamy smacked him on the back of the head.

“Look,” Murphy said, “I’m not going to act like Finn is my new best friend because he’s not. I don’t need another arrogant nerd in my life. I’ve got you. But the fact is he really isn’t as bad as you want him to be because if he is that means you can deal with the real reason you hate him.”

“And why’s that,” Bellamy glared.

“Because when you had the chance to tell Clarke how you felt you didn’t and he did,” Murphy shrugged.

“Whatever,” Bellamy said, making his way to the bar. “I’m getting tequila shots and you can all just deal.”

Miller and Murphy both groaned. The night went on and the subject of Finn and Clarke was dropped. But, despite himself, he had to accept that they probably had a point. He needed to get some perspective.

So, for his own sanity, Bellamy started distancing himself from the group a bit. He skipped a Friday at the bar here or didn’t plan a game night there. And by the time the semester ended he had elected to take a bunch of history courses meaning he and Clarke didn’t share a single class for the first time since they started college.

At first, she would reach out now and then with concern. The texts became more frequent and he mostly just brushed them off with one-word answers if he even responded at all. He knew he was hurting her feelings but it was the only way he could try to get over her so she could maybe have a chance at happiness. By the time junior year ended he basically spent all his time either studying or in class, seeing his friends only in passing.

And, eventually, Clarke’s messages stopped too.

He told himself it was for the best, it was what he wanted. He started dating a girl named Echo who was pretty and uncomplicated. It was easy. He went to visit Octavia that summer and came back ready for his last year of college before putting all of this behind him. After all, not every friendship you make when you’re in college is destined to last. Maybe this was just how it needed to be.

By the time he saw Clarke again, it had been nearly a year. It was just a week before Christmas and they had just finished the semester. It was freezing outside and he had big plans of reading an actual book for fun with the fire roaring and a whiskey in his hand. When his doorbell rang his immediate reaction was annoyance.

That faded the moment he opened the door. Clarke was standing there in a coat that was in no way thick enough for the single-digit temperatures outside and her smile didn’t reach her eyes. It was clear she had been crying. “Can I come in?”

Bellamy didn’t know why he had tried to fool himself into believing he would ever be anything but in love with this woman. He didn’t hesitate wrapping her in his arms the second she was inside.

As a choked sob escaped her he ran his fingers through her icy hair and did his best to make her warmer by sheer force of will. “Come on,” he said, leading her to the living room. “Let’s get you warmed up.”

He settled her on the oversized chair nearest the fire and wrapped a throw blanket around her shoulders before making her a mug of her favorite tea that, even now, he kept in his cupboard. The realization made him laugh at how stupid he had been.

When he got back to the living room, Clarke was just staring at the flames. She started slightly when he squeezed in beside her before she settled in with her head on his shoulder and his arm draped around her, holding her close. She took a long breath.

“You smell the same,” she told him.

“A year apart and that’s what you’re going with?” Bellamy replied with a laugh.

“Shut up,” she teased, shoving him lightly.

They sat in silence for a few moments while she drank her tea. Not that he was complaining. He didn’t realize how much he had missed just being near her until she was here again. All he knew was he wasn’t letting her go again, no matter how many jackasses she dated.

Finally, she took a steadying breath and sat up a bit straighter, hands wrapped around her nearly empty mug, and she began to talk.

“So it turns out you were right about Finn,” Clarke said, voice only shaking slightly. “And don’t act like you didn’t hate him or that he wasn’t the reason we stopped being friends.”

“I’ve always been your friend, Clarke,” he told her gently. “I just couldn’t be around him anymore.”

It was as close to the truth as he was willing to admit but it seemed enough to satisfy her.

“The last week has been… a lot,” she continued. “I found out he has had another girlfriend this whole time. She was from his hometown and they have been together since high school. Which I found out when she showed up at the bar one night to surprise him for a visit. They talked enough that she knew he hung out there a lot. Needless to say, basically everyone hates him now.”

“And that was a week ago?” Bellamy asked and she nodded. He shook his head, confused. “So if that was a week ago then why are you here now? I mean, I’m not complaining because I missed the hell out of you. But you look so broken today. Is it, like, delayed onset heartbreak or something? Is that even a thing?”

She gave a watery laugh. “If only,” she said.

Clarke turned to look at him there, fear and sadness radiating from her eyes. “Bellamy, I’m pregnant.”

The moment the word was out of her mouth his stomach dropped. But he didn't want to make any assumptions so he swallowed deeply and took her hands in his.

“I’m so sorry you are going through this and I want you to know that I am here for you and support you,” he said. “I do have to ask though, have you decided what you want to do so I know exactly how to support you?”

“You’re going to think I’m crazy.” Clarke said, looking down at their joined hands.

“I assure you I won’t,” he assured. “Just tell me, I promise I can take it.”

She looked up at him, studying his eyes a moment, before letting out a long breath. “I think I want to keep it.”

The answer didn’t surprise him but it still hit him like a punch to the gut. Clarke was going to be a mother.

“And what about Finn?” he asked, carefully.

“He knows,” she said with a shrug. “He doesn’t want any part of it. So I’m on my own.”

Bellamy did his best to push down the anger he felt towards the asshole. There would be time for that later. But right now he knew exactly what he had to do.

“Then you should move in with me,” he told her.

Clarke’s eyes went wide and her mouth dropped open slightly. She was frozen a moment before she began to shake her head. “No, Bellamy. That’s crazy. We’ve barely spoken in a year! Besides, I couldn’t inconvenience you like that.”

Bellamy kneeled in front of her, making her meet his eyes. “This could work, Clarke. Octavia moved out so I have plenty of room, I practically raised her so I have experience with kids, and despite the last year, you are still my best friend. Don’t count this out just because of pride.”

“Rude,” she scowled at him.

“Tell me I’m wrong,” he quipped back with a raised eyebrow.

Clarke was silent a moment but then rolled her eyes with a small smile. “You recognize this is fucking crazy, right?”

Of course, he did. More than she even knew. He had just invited the woman he was madly in love with to come raise some other guy's baby in his house. He knew that meant no girls were coming home with him, his sleep schedule was going to be even more wrecked than before, and he was going to be spending all his time with someone he couldn’t tell his real feelings to. So yes, it was the craziest idea he had ever had.

But he said none of that. Instead, he simply gave her a beaming smile and asked her one simple question. “So is that a yes?”

Clarke hesitated but then let out a sigh. “Alright. But only until I get on my feet and then I’ll get a place of my own.”

_Six Years Later_

“Ok so don’t forget Madi’s school is out an hour and a half early today because of some stupid assembly that the big kids have. Her sitter knows to be here by two but in case she forgets the number is on the fridge. I’ll be home no later than six but just in case I’m later let me know and I can find someone else to come over if you can’t be here.”

Bellamy put his hand on Clarke’s waist to still her and she visibly deflated.

“Was I being a helicopter parent again?” Clarke asked, halfway through putting the last of her paintings in their carrying case.

“Of course not,” Bellamy answered. “But after all this time, you have to trust that I’ve got this.”

Clarke breathed out deeply and closed her eyes a moment before looking at him with a smile. “I know you do. You always do. God, you really are the best friend I could have ever asked for.”

Clarke kissed him on the cheek quickly before heading out the door.

The moment she left, Bellamy heard snickering from the living room.

“Shut up, O,” Bellamy said, not even bothering to look his sister's way, instead watching Clarke's car pull out of the driveway.

Today was a big day for her. She was showing some of her newest paintings to the local curator to see if any of them were worth selling at the gallery. Bellamy had no doubt they would all be taken because the gallery belonged to Octavia’s husband, Lincoln. Not that she couldn’t make it on her own merits but there have to be some benefits to nepotism,

“I just don’t get why the two of you insist on playing house as if anything about this is normal,” Octavia told him, tone harsh but her words betrayed her true meaning.

She, like all the rest of their friends, was just worried. Because for six years Bellamy had given his everything to this little makeshift family he and Clarke had made.

The fact that he was still in love with her was irrelevant. Because she was his best friend and that’s all they would ever be.

But there was a little girl who counted on him and a woman who his world revolved around. And it was enough.

It would have to be enough.

Because even if he could never be with Clarke, they were his family. And nothing would ever convince him to leave them behind.


	2. Chapter 2

For six years, Bellamy had been happy with the family he had built with Clarke and Madi.

Bellamy had been there the night Madi was born. He helped change diapers and fill bottles, was there when she said her first words, took her picture on her first day of school every year, and for all intents and purposes had stepped in as a platonic co-parent right alongside Clarke.

And he wouldn’t have it any other way.

One morning after dropping Madi off at school for her last day before Christmas break, he got a call from another new addition to his life.

“Hi, Raven,” he said, answering the phone as he fumbled to get the right key for the door of his ancient but reliable truck.

One of the odder things that came out of what had been dubbed “The Finn Incident” was a friendship with the girlfriend Finn was cheating on. But she hadn’t blamed Clarke and when she found out he had left her pregnant and alone she punched him in the face and declared herself as pseudo auntie to this kid whether Clarke liked it or not. She had also been partially responsible for Finn stepping up and having  _ some _ involvement in his daughter’s life.

The girls had been friends ever since.

Raven was fiery and wicked smart. She turned out to be exactly what their group needed. And when Madi was born, Raven was third in line to hold her.

The main thing about Raven that annoyed the hell out of him? She never left Bellamy alone about the Clarke situation.

“You told Clarke you’re in love with her yet?” Raven said in lieu of a greeting like she did nearly every time she called him.

“At some point, you are going to stop asking me that question,” Bellamy groaned, getting his door open and sliding into the still warm cab. It was freezing outside. He really should have brought gloves.

“I’m really not,” she insisted. “Besides, if I can’t bug you about the fact that you’re an idiot who has been literally raising a child with the love of his life who has no idea how he feels then what  _ will _ we talk about?”

“Maybe you’re not so secret crush on that barista,” Bellamy teased. “What was her name? Luna, I think?”

“Fuck off, Blake,” Raven replied, voice flustered and it sounded like she might have dropped something.

Bellamy cackled at his friend. She always was good at dishing it out more than taking it.

“So why are you actually calling,” Bellamy asked.

“Well,” she said, “I was talking to Octavia last night and she invited me to lunch tomorrow. I know Clarke is busy but you know how much I hate third-wheeling her and Lincoln. Will you please please please be my not-date?”

Bellamy laughed. Ever since his sister had gotten married to Lincoln and they had their twins, she had admittedly been a bit impossible. He was used to it but he knew Raven, who hated all kids but Madi on principle, couldn’t handle it.

“Alright,” he said. “But that means you have to take Madi for the night next weekend. Clarke and I both need a break and Finn is out of town for his weekend this month so he can’t take her.”

“Deal,” she agreed, pointedly not commenting on the Finn thing. “And then you can make a move.”

“Or we can just watch something on HBO that doesn’t involve talking animals or fairies or trains with faces,” Bellamy countered.

“Fair enough,” Raven replied with a laugh. “See you tomorrow.”

The line went dead before he could respond and Bellamy shook his head. Raven meant well, all of their friends did. But they just didn’t get it.

Once upon a time, even he could admit that he thought it would be for the best to tell Clarke how he felt. But that was a long time ago.

The moment Madi was in his arms he knew that — biological relation or not — that little girl was his daughter. He would do anything to protect her, make her happy, and keep her safe.

He and Clarke always made a point to ensure Madi knew, at age-appropriate levels, what Bellamy was to her. They explained things to her early on as best they could. Bellamy was not her father. But her father wasn’t ready to be a Dad and Bellamy was. So it was Bellamy who took her trick-or-treating or to ballet. It was Bellamy who made sure she followed the rules and understood responsibility. And it was Bellamy that she called Dad.

But Madi also knew Finn was her father. He paid child support and he generally took her one weekend a month and every other holiday. But he didn’t come to all of Madi’s soccer games or know who her best friends were. Finn was her father but he was not her Dad. 

Their home was anything but conventional but Madi was happy, healthy, and had all the support she needed.

They made it work, against all odds.

Clarke had been worried at first, thinking Bellamy would walk away. But eventually, he proved he was in for the long haul. Madi meant the world to him and he would never abandon her.

But so did Clarke. He loved her with every part of himself. And that’s why he could never tell her. He would never do anything to jeopardize the unit they had built together.

What was meant to be a temporary solution to Clarke’s problems became something bigger and much more important than just a house to stay in with enough room for both her and her daughter. From the moment Madi was born his house, for the first time in entirely too long, had become a home. Bellamy was all in and no pesky feelings were going to get in the way of that.

As he pulled into his garage, he smiled when he saw Clarke’s car. Lately, she had been stuck going to the gallery with Lincoln so early and staying so long that they tended to live more like ships passing in the night. His only proof that she existed in the same house was the coffee she left for him in the morning and Madi settled in bed when he got home at night.

A year prior Clarke had talked Bellamy into going back to school for his master’s degree. The hours were crazy and all of his free time outside of Clarke and Madi consisted of the university, but he absolutely loved it. Being surrounded by other intellectuals who loved history and mythology as much as he did was more rewarding than anything he had ever done.

It hadn’t been easy to talk him into it. But she sat him down with financial spreadsheets, schedules for taking care of Madi, and he couldn’t help being convinced. Yet again, a girl he loved showed him he was worth it and he took a chance. Now he was a year away from being a high school history teacher and he just couldn’t believe this was his life.

But at this moment, he was just excited to go inside and see his best friend.

“Hey there stranger,” Clarke said, sending him a sleepy smile as he came inside the house. She was covered in dried paint with her hair in a messy bun as she separated her laundry in their utility room. 

Even at her most messy, plain, and exhausted she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He took a breath and pushed it down. “Hey! I can’t believe you’re actually here.”

“Me either,” she admitted, starting the washing machine and turning towards him fully. He realized she was wearing his old Ramones t-shirt and he suddenly couldn’t breathe, but he ignored it as she continued. “But as hard as it is to believe, we are finally done with the exhibit. E got all of the artist’s works in today, got them set up, and everything is good to go. I’m just so glad I was able to help with this. I still can’t believe he asked me to be a featured artist.”

Bellamy rolled his eyes as he followed her inside. “Of course he did. Besides the fact that he is Octavia’s husband, you are also fucking amazing. Your work could be in a New York Gallery, much less one in little old Arkadia.”

“Don’t patronize me, Bellamy Blake,” she teased. “Let me be excited about this.”

“I would never dream of patronizing you,” he told her as they settled on the couch together, an unspoken agreement whenever they found themselves with the house empty. They had an entire backlog of shows they watched that were not for little ears so when they did manage to carve out time together they always ended up on this couch. “All I’m telling you is that you are talented and deserve a lot more praise than you get. And way more than you give yourself.”

Clarke blushed. “Flatterer.”

“For you? Always.”

Bellamy worked on pulling up the latest episode of The Walking Dead. “Oh, by the way, I have news. So I’m going to lunch with Raven and my sister tomorrow. But I brokered a deal out of it. She’s going to take Madi for the night next weekend.”

“You are a god among men,” she told him. “I vote we get Indian takeout from that place you always complain is too expensive, a couple bottles of wine, and we park it on this couch until the snacks run out or I pass out, whichever comes first. What do you say?”

“Sounds perfect,” he said, grinning at her, “now shut up so I can start the damn show.”

She laughed and shoved him but didn’t protest, curling her feet under his thighs and pulling the blanket from the top of the couch over them both.

He was less than surprised that she barely made it through an episode before passing out. When he noticed her gentle snores, he couldn’t help looking at her for a moment. Her curls had begun to fall out of their bun and spill across her forehead. Her mouth was open, just slightly, and her entire body was calm. 

Clarke wasn’t exactly the kind of woman who could easily relax so when she did he was not eager to wake her. Instead, Bellamy simply paused the show and grabbed his book from the side table, tucking the blanket more completely around her legs and settling in for the afternoon. He had opted to not take Friday classes so he didn’t have another obligation until his bouncer shift at Murphy’s bar the next night. For now, he let himself enjoy the moment.

An hour later, Clarke woke up, blinking dazedly and smiling when her eyes focused on Bellamy. But as quickly as she smiled she also groaned. “God I’m such a mom. I can’t even make it through a tv show about fucking zombies.”

“That’s because you  _ are _ a zombie,” he teased.

“Hilarious,” she deadpanned, shoving him with her foot before standing for a big stretch. As she did, her shirt rode up slightly exposing a stripe of creamy skin. He ignored it as best he could but he couldn’t quite make himself look away.

“Seriously though,” he told her, setting his book down and getting up to refold the blanket, “you work way too damn much. It’s ok to take a break now and then.”

“Said the pot to the kettle,” she chastised. “But you are right. How about this? Now that I have had a decent nap I think I may actually be able to human tonight. How about after I put Madi down we crank up the fire and try to get through a whole two episodes tonight? I’ll even buy the good box of wine.”

Bellamy laughed and shook his head fondly. “Alright, and I’ll do you one better. Let’s order a pizza.”

“God. Among. Men.”

When Madi got home, she was thrilled there was pizza. They even agreed to watch a movie in the living room while they ate. Madi, unsurprisingly, chose Frozen 2 for the millionth time. He and Clarke shared a look over her head as she got the DVD from the wall but let her have this. Though, he was more excited than ever to watch The Walking Dead later.

Madi just barely made it through the movie, with eyelids drooping by the time the credits began to roll.

“Alright missy,” Clarke said, getting down so Madi could climb on her back, “bath time.”

Madi groaned and he could hear them playfully arguing all the way up the stairs. He knew Clarke would take a while, Madi’s wind-down process always taking at least half an hour, so he started to get the living room cleaned up. However, not even ten minutes later Clarke was back down with a sheepish grin on her face.

“Well the bath went fine,” Clarke said, “but she insists you are the only one who can read her story tonight.”

Bellamy laughed and dropped a kiss on Clarke’s temple on his way to the stairs. “That’s because I do all the voices better.” 

She shoved him playfully and he laughed all the way to Madi’s room. When he opened the door, she was already tucked under the covers tightly, big eyes just barely peeking over the top of her purple duvet.

“So,” he said, making his way to her library of books in the corner of her room, “what stuffed animal do we want tonight and what story?”

Madi pulled the blanket down, peering over at her bookshelf with her bottom lip between her teeth, so like her mother it made his heartache. Her eyes lit up when she made her choice. “I want Blueberry and Brown Bear.”

“You got it, kid,” he told her.

Grabbing Madi’s tye-dye blue Build a Bear from the top of the pile and the book  _ Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?  _ He came over and nestled right next to Madi on the bed. He got through the whole book and by the end, Madi had one eye just barely open.

“Dad?” Madi asked, just on the edge of sleep.

“Yeah, Monkey? He asked, smoothing back her curls.

“Thanks for always reading to me,” she said. “You’re much better at it than my other dad.”

Tears sprung into his eyes nearly immediately at her words but he pushed them down. This little girl deserved the best of everything and he was just so happy he could be a small part of it. “I will read to you until the day you don’t want me to anymore.”

Madi’s nose wrinkled and then she yawned, both eyes closing as she clung to Blueberry the Bear. “That’s gonna be when I’m so old, like fifteen.”

Bellamy shook his head, Madi already asleep. He envied her world view sometimes. As he clicked on her Moana nightlight he looked over at her one more time. Though no one would choose the way they had ended up in this situation, he couldn’t deny that he was happy to be here since it had happened.

He always knew he wanted to be a father and he hoped Madi wouldn’t be the only child he had. But he was so glad that he did have her.

When he made it back downstairs, Clarke had already gotten the wine and fire going with the episode they had started earlier already queued up on the tv.

“Any troubles?” she asked.

“Not one,” Bellamy said, accepting the wineglass Clarke handed him. “Tonight was Brown Bear and Blueberry.”

He slotted himself beside her and she put her feet right back under his thighs like she always did. “A winning combination, for sure. But now, Zombies.”

Bellamy smiled at her excited grin as she pulled the blanket down once again and started the show.

After a few episodes and just enough wine for a pleasant buzz, he heard Clarke made a hmm sound beside him.

When he looked over, she had the scrunch between her brows that told him she was thinking about something entirely too hard.

“You know, ” she started, “you kinda always reminded me of Daryl.”

Bellamy laughed. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, ” she said, turning to face him fully. “You know... Handsome, broody, loyal to a fault, mother hen. You and him have a lot in common actually.”

Bellamy laughed. “Alright, then does that make you Carol?”

“Not a chance,” she grinned, shaking her head. “She’s too kind, too soft.” 

“I can actually see it. No one loves their kid more than Carol, even when it hurts. And that's you with Madi. Her daughter is her priority and Madi is yours.”

“And Daryl?” Clarke said back. “Carol is his. His family is his. They are family, just like you and me. Madi might not be blood but she is your daughter. And you and me? We’re family.”

She looked at him for a long moment before blushing and turning back to the show. Bellamy was lost for words. Instead, he just slid a hand onto her calf, a silent agreement. Clarke sighed at the touch.

As the episode ended, Clarke yawned into her wine glass. He finished his own, ready to suggest they both head to bed when she spoke up.

“Hey Bell?” she asked.

“Hmm.”

“Why do you never date?”

The questions took him by surprise and he sat back heavily into his seat. For a brief moment, he considered answering honestly. But he realized quickly that would be the wine talking and cleared his throat.

“It’s not really a matter of me not dating,” he shrugged, “more just that I haven’t in a while. Between Madi and school… there just isn’t really time.”

The answer was as honest as he could be, but he felt like there was a very obvious elephant in the room that he just prayed Clarke didn’t notice. Thankfully, her buzz and general tiredness had her simply hum in response.

“What about you?” he asked before he could stop himself, not sure he wanted to know the answer but also insanely curious.

Clarke pulled her lip between her teeth, worrying it slightly, and he smiled. She was quiet a moment before looking at him seriously with a small blush on her cheeks. “I guess…,” she trailed off but then sighed. “Well, I guess it’s because I like my life. I like having you and Madi and this house... I like that you two are my family.”

Bellamy was stunned for a moment but then came to sit beside her, with a hand on her knee. He gave her his most sincere smile, determined to make sure she knew just how much he meant his words. “I like our life too. It’s not like I want it to change. But I also just want you to be happy, whatever that means for you.”

Clarke threaded their fingers together and just looked at him. “Bellamy I-”

Before she could finish what she was saying, a distinct thud came from upstairs followed by the sound of Madi crying. Bellay winced. “I’ve got it.”

She smiled at him, a bit sadly, and then let go of his hand. He made his way up the stairs only to find a crying Madi, blanket in hand, standing outside her door.

“Hey Monkey,” he said, coming down to her level and wiping her tears from her cheeks. “I heard a loud sound, you doing ok?”

She shook her head. “I fell out of bed.”

“Do you have any boo-boos?” he asked, scanning her quickly. She seemed ok but it never hurt to ask.

Madi shook her head again and put her thumb in her mouth, a habit she only did now when she was scared or upset.

“How about this?” he asked, standing and scooping her up into his arms. “I’m going to get you settled back in bed, tuck you in really tightly, and then you will never be able to move again. How does that sound?”

She giggled through her tears into his neck and nodded. He did as he said, tucking her in nice and tight and getting Blueberry from where he had been left on the floor. Madi blinked blearily at him, already half asleep again.

“There,” Bellamy said, making sure Blueberry was safe next to her. “No way you are getting out of that. Think you’re ready to go back to sleep now or do you need me to stay a little longer?”

“I’m ok,” Madi said.

“Alright,” Bellamy said, making his way back to the door, “well if you need me you know I’m right down the hall. Just let me know.”

Madi smiled and yawned before snuggling even deeper into the covers. “I love you, Daddy.”

Bellamy’s heart melted. “I love you too, Madi.”

As he closed the door he smiled and thought back on the conversation he had been having with Clarke. He really did love their lives together and he loved Madi, but if Clarke met someone he would be ok. It wasn’t like the possibility wasn’t there, even if Clarke hadn’t been looking. She was smart, beautiful, funny, talented… a real catch. But then, where did that leave him?

When he made it back downstairs he was ready to chat some more with her. Just before Madi’s accident it had almost seemed like they were having a moment. Or maybe an almost moment? Whatever, the point was he was dying to know what she had been about to say.

But when he made it back downstairs, Clarke was fast asleep. Bellamy sighed. It was probably for the best. Neither of them wanted to change things. They had both basically said as much. She wanted things to stay the same. And in many ways, so did he.

Bellamy took the wine glasses to the kitchen, rinsing them and hanging them to dry, before shutting off the fire and draping the blanket over Clarke. Just before he headed upstairs, he couldn’t help dropping a kiss on her forehead. When he did, she let out a soft sigh and smiled, just slightly, in her sleep.

He would always be in love with her but that didn’t have to change things. It was better this way. Wasn’t it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter should be up next month! Feel free to follow me on [Tumblr](https://slyth-princess.tumblr.com/) for updates and info on all of my works! And with any lucky, an official posting schedule will be up soon!


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